Thursday, May 29, 2008

yesterday...

and I had a bad day. Yes, I Cathy had a really crappy day. Nothing seemed to go right in my world. It affected everybody and everything around me.

I let everything get to me. We even had my parents (who unfortunately saw our bad moods) come over to watch our kids so we could get out running together and go for coffee with friends. What a gift, but we ruined it. Well, our bad moods/fight etc. made us late for our run. We tried to get there and ended up doing a short little brisk power walk (me with my clenched jaw and balled up fists) and then back. We didn't talk rather ignore each other. It was not good. We picked up diapers and back home we went. Sent my parents home early. I bathed Caroline, and we got the kids into bed. I told Cliff I was going to bed after I finished feeding Courtney. So at 9:30 pm I was in bed. I did not say goodnight. I just went to bed in anger. Yup. Not a good way to do things.

So this morning, I heard Cliff come to bed really late. Then Courtney was up. I fed her, then the alarm went off. This morning there were few to little words spoke. I did however mutter yesterday after our walk that I was done. Done with everything. I told him I was done with running, exercise, and that I would consider selling my bike, my camera etc. Just so that things wouldn't be so hard anymore. It is hard to keep fit, and keep a family and keep a happy marriage. It is hard to balance EVERYTHING all at once. Yes, it has been trying around here. I truly feel it is the stress of everything to do with my FIL etc. Not good and creates stress in the family. Unfortunate but true.

7 comments:

Shawna said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one that was in that boat yesterday.

I've heard it was an epidemic around my circle. That made me feel better (kinda).

I fell into a puddle of tears saying good-night to my 2 year old last night. It so was not a good day/night.

I will pray for you, for strength of character, for patience, for energy to go on, for remembrance of why you are here and a why you are together.

Remember you are doing this to become a better Cathy, for you. Not for anyone else. And YOU deserve to be a better you.

Kerry said...

Going to bed angry is a horrible feeling...and waking up with it all still there is even worse. Hopefully you get some things sorted today and start to see the bright side of things again...

LauraC said...

Oh Cathy, do not give up. This journey started for you in January and you are still going strong in May! I know those horrible days where you fight and yell and go to bed angry. The stress of a family and a marriage and everything else happens to us.

This morning, I walked into my bathroom to scream because I thought I was going hit Nate if he didn't stop being a crybaby. I'm sure those are terrible thoughts to think!

PamnPat'sParadise said...

As the other girls have said, we all have those days (I feel like I have them more than not some days) and it will always pass over. You both have had so many good memories over the past years to let 1 fight stop you in your tracks. Use the running (even on your own) to help you sort out your thoughts and clear your head. Then try to talk things out and find solutions to at least one of the problems you are dealing with.

It will get easier my friend but I know you have so much on your plate right now. Running is time for yourself and you so need it right now.

Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

((((HUGS))))

***********Dawn*********** said...

Cathy,

I am so sorry to hear you are having such a time juggling everything. I often wonder just how you do what you do!! Please hang in there and know that it is not just you; our family has been going through much the same lately. Must be something in the air. Gotta take the good with the bad...I guess.

Time to take up Kick Boxing...very therapeutic!! ;)

Hugs,
Dawn

Yvonne said...

Life has bad days ... we all get them!!Big hugs to you!

But done with everything is a bit much my dear!!Re-evaluation of the importance of things may be in order. Do it for you, but do it for them too as they are a part of who you are!!!

Irma said...

Ahh Cathy....this to shall pass! Keep your chin up, you can do it!

Emotions all over the place is so hard...I am struggling with that to right now....and yet you feel you have to always be strong for the rest of the family.I think that is what makes it so hard.Keep looking at the positives...and take it a day at a time!!! Take care (-: