Monday - the day before 9th week weigh in of Goo-Be-Gone 2008

Well, it sure is a Monday. I don't really like Mondays. Rainy days and Monday's get me down! Do you know that song by the Carpenters? Well that is how I feel today.

Our house has felt very sad. I feel sad. I feel emotionally heavy. Emotionally weighed down. Anxiety and grief sits heavily like a rock on my chest. My hips ache (sympathy pains for my dear FIL) and I just feel loaded down. That rain sure doesn't help much.

Tomorrow is weigh in number 9 (and less than 1 month to go until the final weigh in on April 1st, 2008) I am glad it will come to an end. It sure takes a lot of willpower and strength to keep on my 'plan' these days. I just feel like grabbing a bag of chips and sitting in front of the TV and just eating away. But, I will not. Because I am not worth that! I am worth this change no matter how hard or how difficult my life gets. I have to physically ask myself everything I put into my mouth "Is this worth the calories?" Is it worth it?" I have will of steel I think. Cliff has cracked into handfuls of this and that. And he he asked me when I will budge or break. I said I won't. I am stubborn, and I have a challenge in front of me. I will not give up. I want to succeed. I don't want to fail. I have never liked to fail at anything (good old perfectionist here!!) So, this time I will not quit! I will succeed. I want to feel victorious. If I can eat well and exercise during this hard time in our lives, then I should theoretically be able to do this eating well lifestyle for always and not just for the Goo-Be-Gone or reaching my weight goal.

I have my vision of myself and I keep that image burned into my mind when I want to eat a donut or whatever else.

Food is so hard to balance. It can be a source of pleasure too, and you have to eat to live. Not LIVE to eat. That is so hard for me. Food is like love in some ways. Wonderful family gatherings and holidays all revolve around food. That is a struggle. A huge struggle.

But, life keeps moving forward. It is how I choose to go on! I make those choices and I only have myself to blame if I fail. The food will not fail me! I will get to my goal!! With a few healthy cheats along the way to keep me sane. Once controlled cheat a week is what I give my self. One meal. That is it. The next day I am back on my program. It feels really boring at times, but it has become automatic. That is good, that way I do not feel obsessed with my eating. One less thing to think about.

I know I have done well, but I know I am only as good as my last lost pounds. Those are history. Today is a new day, and I keep pushing ahead to my goal. Look to the goal! Look to my future as a happy and healthy Mom to 6. And a happy sexy wife for my husband. I have to feel good about me first to be able to do that.

It certainly has not been easy, but things that are worth it are hardly ever easy! Reaching a goal takes 100% dedication and commitment. I cannot fail with that, and the support and love from all around me.

Having this blog to document my success is certainly helping because my readers know when I weigh in lol! That keeps me motivated too.

Losing the weight, I find that I am un-peeling layers and the layers coming off have been so interesting and sometimes even scary! But, I need to do this! I am finding so much about myself these days! I am finding new passions and renewing my interests and sense of playfulness that had left me. Those are all good findings!

I have renewed myself in an old hobby called Photography and I LOVE it! I love the people that are molding me and guiding me and helping me to develop that side of myself! It has been a great journey so far! I cannot wait to learn more and develop Cathy. Just Cathy!! So exciting!