4 weeks 2 days postpartum photos

Taken on Monday, after my vascular surgeon appointment

Not much change, but that is to be expected. I feel better than I look! Feels good to wear new clothes, and even better to start recognizing myself with dark hair. Still picture myself as a blonde in my minds eye.

Stocking Saga...

Well, the compression 'hose' were not fit to me correctly, and so I called first the specialist's office and asked them if what I was feeling was OK, and they said the hose are probably too long. So, I then called the place that fitted me and they sent a courier to pick up the old stockings and send me a 'short' pair. So, today it took me about 8 minutes to get these things on with my 'donning gloves' seriously they are called that. I kid you not.

Today, I feel so so about this. I wanted to cry this morning when I put these suckers on. I was doing this when Courtney was starting to cry. And so that made me want to cry. I feel really warm, as I banned pantyhose a long time ago. So, now to be wearing these hot, itchy Lycra hose UNDER my jeans feels really uncomfortable. Thankfully though, this is not happening in the summer.

Well, I need to do this for my vein health, but every day I just seem to feel older and uglier by the second. 10 years ago I would be putting on nice high heels and nice skirts and going to work. Now my life is so different from that.

Anyways, enough of the whining here. On a more positive note, January first is a coming fast and I cannot wait to start this contest called Goo-be-Gone. It is a take off of the Biggest Loser. It runs for 3 months, and finishes on April 1st. I hope to lose about 25 pounds in 3 months. I think that is a realistic goal. And, in 6 months (June 1st) I hope to have lost 50 pounds. And by October 1st I plan on having lost a total of 70-80 pounds. Just in time for my 37th bday. And hopefully something really fun to do, like perhaps run a half marathon if I can train for it.

I watched the finale of the Biggest Loser, and it was so good and inspiring. And, I look forward to watching the couples version of it that starts on January 1st. Perfect time for motivation for my own weight loss. Cliff has decided that he wants to lose 50 pounds. That is so exciting too! We can motivate each other and cheer for each other, and that gives us 2 chances in the competition we are entering!

I am not allowed to kickbox for the time being because of the leg/vein issue so I plan on power walking 60-90 minutes every day. Hopefully when the vein is not swollen anymore then I can ask the surgeon again if I can start.

That will be MY TIME...whether it in the morning or the evening, on the treadmill or outside I will do this. And, I will be watching my portions. And, hopefully do some skipping with the kids!! And a video or two when time permits ;D and maybe some other stuff...who knows. All I know is that I cannot wait to do this! I need this!!

I have booked my ultrasound scan on my veins aka vein study for mid January, and a follow up in the end of January. The cost: $250 dollars...our extended does not cover this darn it. Oh well...I am worth it!!

Vascular Surgeon Appointment Update

Today, Cliff took Courtney and myself to the big old city and I met with my specialist. He took a look, and suggested that I get support hose. And let me tell you, they are like the worst/tightest pair of hose you have EVER worn. And, they are very EXPENSIVE. Like 150 dollars expensive. And, I had to be measured for them. It took so long!!!

Anyways, so he also wants me to go for a vein scan/ultrasound to check out my faulty valves/veins etc. I have to call to arrange for that appointment. It takes 45 mins and I have to wear shorts to that appointment...oh lovely when you have such knotted up, twisty veins. I don't even OWN shorts...so, I think I will borrow a pair of Cliff's running shorts. This scan will give the specialist an idea of if I need surgery or not. I am thinking yes, because he handed me a piece of paper with the info on day surgery. And if I need day surgery it is done under local with IV sedation, or if BOTH legs it would be under general sedation. I am hoping for only one leg. Anyways. I will arrange for that vein scan for asap.

The good thing is that, I do NOT have to wait 2 months after breastfeeding for surgery if needed. And, thankfully he is starting the process early for me so that when the time is right...all of the steps are in place to get my legs looking lovely and smooth again. And, oh what a joy that will be to wear skirts, shorts, dresses and be able to shave properly again. That will be good. I am sick of my grandpa/old man legs.

So for now. I will suck it up and wear these tight tights/stockings/whatevers. I want to take a photo because they are just so ugly. I am sure my husband will not come NEAR me lol!! I need to wear them until the vein swelling goes away. Right now I feel hot, because they are not natural fibres, and they make me itchy and sweaty feeling. Especially when I am used to being barefoot all of the time. I also have to wash these things DAILY EVERY night, and you need rubber gloves (bright green ones) SERIOUSLY to pull/rub them up. I kid you not. Then, I need to put them on EVERY morning. Oh, just give me a little more to do...because I have all of the time in the world...Uh huh.

Suck it up buttercup...yup suck it up. It is for your own health...yup.

Vitamins and Plans

I went to the health food store today, and I purchased fish oils for the kids, and fish oil for myself (nursing mom) and vitamin d pills. I want to take good care of myself. So, I splurged on those items.

I also enquired about a women's kickboxing program (ongoing) and will hopefully try a class if the vascular surgeon says I am good to go. I think it will be good stress relief, and the instructor said it would get rid of my 'jigglies' as I call them. If, I am able to participate I will start in January 2008. If I cannot, then I start my brisk walking program.

I am really looking forward to changing my life!

Tales about your Scale...

I am looking to buy a good scale. I am starting my 140 pound program on January 2nd. I want to purchase a scale.

I would like some input. Thanks!!

no more pregnancies = no more babies

I am trying to prepare myself for no more babies (no more pregnancies = no more babies) for our family. We have talked about this a lot, I know. But Courtney is really the last baby for our family. We are ending off on a good baby that is for sure. I know, I know, Carly was supposed to be our last, same with Catie, and then Caroline. Yup. We even printed that in Caroline's birth announcement. But, hey we ended up with six wonderful kids instead. Our six pac. Our six children. Our six C's. Or as my cousin Riki typed to me our cix-pac! Our half dozen kids. We are complete!

But still even today, I see a pregnant person and I feel envious, sad and happy all at the same time. Sad that I will not carry a baby anymore, sad that I will not see any more tiny little feet, or soft little heads, or froggy bodies. No small little pinky fingers or that newborn smell that belong our kids.

I am also happy that I was so fortunate and blessed be able to carry 6 out 7 pregnancies to term and to go on to have healthy and happy kids with very few health issues. To me that is such a relief! I count my blessings, and feel such joy when I see the kids all around us! Such joy. It just makes me happy to my very core.

So, this journey you see will be one of a big changes for me, and for our life as a family. I need to work through the sad feelings I feel at different times, and accept them, acknowledge them and move on. That is the part I am going to struggle with. But, I know something good will come from all of this. I know with time that those feelings of sadness and what ifs will fade, and know we can really enjoy our kids as they grow up! We are starting a new phase together as a family of eight people. I think it is just the fact that I feel like this is what I was meant to do with my life. And now, it feels like the very exciting years of pregnancy and birth are gone. Not to say that there will be nothing exciting ahead ;D

I have told Cliff that I feel useless now, now that my 'job' is done. And he keeps saying yes that part of my life is done, but there is so much more to my 'job' left. My job as a Mom is far from over. And yes he is right about that! Cliff said that all of these kids will always need me for quite some time! And yes, he is right of course. And he also told me at that moment, to look around the room and really look at what we had created together in the last 8 years. And, I did. I really looked around.

Through my tears that morning, I saw six kids that we created together in our love for one another. I saw Cameron, Claire, Carly, Catie, Caroline and Courtney and of course my wonderful husband, cheerleader and support person which was Cliff! And to me that is my life. Right there in front of me. My wonderful family. At that moment I said to myself through the tears that I am so thankful for this journey. Thankful for my family. I was so happy to be a Mom and Wife!

Most people would probably be doing a hip hip hooray to this phase of their life being over, but for almost 10 years of my life this has been my life. I don't really remember doing anything in the past that was as challenging, frustrating or rewarding all at the same time. I only know how to be a Mom now. I was really great at getting pregnant, delivering these kids and breastfeeding. Now that this part of life is done, it is like quiting cold turkey. I am so fine with it, but I have to mourn this loss so to speak.

Give me time, and I know I will find myself. And, thankfully this journey to motherhood has really changed me. I like to think Motherhood has made me a different, more caring person. Perhaps ten years ago I may have looked better, but seriously the person inside of me today is way better. Motherhood will do that to you. It changes you to the core. That is a good thing.

It will be an interesting road to travel that is for sure. We have lots to be thankful for, and many great years ahead.

Appointment with the specialist

I heard from my doc this morning! Thank goodness!

I am heading into the big city on Monday to meet with the vascular surgeon! I hope he has some good ideas/options for me.